I Must Have Been Real Mean in Class Today

I must have upset the karma gods today because my night was all sorts of FML.

As I was walking on the bus I fell, like down-on-all-fours fell, the bus driver laughed at me. Thank god there were only 4 passengers to witness this.

Then I get home and realize I lost my keys somewhere. My door is locked but my keys are mysteriously missing. This is the second time I've called a locksmith in Korea. The first time was when I got locked out, not of my apartment mind you, my bedroom.

Sigh.

I am a Shell of a Person

Work is wearing me down these days. I ate 4 clementines for dinner because I was too exhausted to fry premade frozen dumplings.

Then, the peeling got tiresome.

:-T

Horrifying Words to Hear When you Go to Check In To Your Flight

Me: I'm here to check into our flight
Desk Person: Itinerary
Me (passes flight confirmation): Going to Bali
Me to Peter: See aren't you happy I organized everything? You are sooo lucky you have me
Desk Person: Um, your flight was yesterday
Me: Um no the date is right there, leaving Tuesday
Desk Person: Tuesday was yesterday
Me: Uhhh really?!

That was the worst feeling knowing that:
-I am an idiot
-I was trying to confirm that I am a full functional organized adult worthy of being wified up but alas I am not
-I could have been in Bali sipping cocktails by a pool at that exact moment

I don't have herpes

So this maybe TMI but whatever I have a blog that's what it is for. Here is a fun fact about myself: whenever I am super tired I get canker sores...in my mouth. I know this is disgusting and I am a filthy filthy. Korea kids always get nosebleeds from being overworked (total truth by the way, there are always 2 kids in each one of my classes who have to leave class because they start rupturing blood from their orifices randomly). I get canker sores.

This condition has improved the older I get, it now only happens once a year. However, when I was younger I has a miserable childhood because it was a chronic condition. When I was 8, my pediatrician insisted I get tested for herpes because it was the only explanation for this. How I would get herpes as an 8 year old I have no idea. The bad news was there was no medical explanation, the good news was I didn't have herpes.

My body has been actively protesting against my constant drinking in Seoul. This is evident by the fact that it subconsciously stuck my finger into a fan. Has given me the flu. Opened up multiple canker sores in my mouth. Now I want to stab myself in the face to distract from the pain everywhere.

This is one of multiple weird things about my body.

Others:

I snore like a 50 year old diabetic man and my nose surgery has only slightly improved this

I have a random bone that juts out of my right wrist that comes and goes as it pleases

Also, I look like this:

but sound like this:

Sad Friday

I'm really, really sick. This means I am missing out on my friday nights at homo hill in Itaewon (a hill of gay clubs that play Kpop and Britney in the foreigners neighborhood of Seoul).

I decide, well if I can't go out, then I will at least have a wine and food filled night alone to fill the void. Because what is better than pseudoephedrine and wine? Obviously nothing people, don't be so ridiculous.

I used to be super against drinking while sick. However, my boyfriend has told me multiple times that the best cure for a cold is whisky in a bath and over the years I have become a converter.

Scene: me in an italian wine restaurant alone. After my seafood pasta, salad, and wine I order tiramisu and another wine. I realize I am the last one left at this restaurant when I order my dessert

Me: "When do you close?"

Waiter: "10 PM"

I look at watch it is 9:40, Oh good.

Waiter brings me my dessert and wine: "Oh but please take your time eating, there is no rush at all"

Me: "Thank you so much"

4 minutes later

Waiter, sees me eating at my normal pace: "No, really please don't rush. You don't need to scarf it down"

Me: oh OK (sheepishly)

Takes obligatory 4 minute break from inhaling my crappy tiramisu and guzzling my wine so I won't be judged by the waiter. Checks phone for nonexistent text messages from imaginary Korean friends

Doesn't he realize I am American and we eat like horses?! Don't judge me! Let me live....

Korean Appliances:1 Lia: 0

So I had my first visit to a Korean hospital today.

I went to move my fan (my ac is broken) and all of a sudden the fan part is bugging out. I think thats odd. Fan just broke randomly.

I then see a pool of blood at my feet. Hmm thats weird, look at my hand and a chunk of my finger is flapping off. Literally a chunk, I could see the inside of my finger. Somehow, my finger and the fan had an impromptu meeting.

I was skyping with Peter at this time and all he hears me say is "BABBEEEEE WHAT DO I DO???" He thinks I've slit my wrists at this point. I kept screaming from the bath room "What do I do????"

I'm bugging out because anyone that knows me know I freak out at the sight of blood, doesn't even have to be my own. You can imagine me at this point.

So this happened right after I woke up. So I went out in public with a baggy and bloodied Obama t shirt, pants that were unzipped and unbuttoned because I couldn't button with one hand, unbrushed teeth, the craziest hair, and a hand wrapped in 10 napkins soaked in blood. I looked like I went on a serial rampage.

Get to the hospital and it turns out Korean hospitals are amazing. I waited 3 minutes in the ER mind you (note that in the US people die waiting for their turn in the ER), they filled out my forms for me because my korean sucks, knew I had insurance from my visa # (no insurance card neccessary) and had me patched up in 45 minutes.

The dr says to me "your fingers are so small, we usually see fan accidents with 5 year olds". Um, thanks doc. I'm from the US where we use central air or ACs, who knew fans could be so deadly? If this happened to Hyemi (my friend with baby hands) she would have lost her entire finger.

I may or may not regain feeling in my finger, cross your fingers for me (pun intended).