What do I do for a Living?

So as my moving back to NY slowly approaches, I need to decide what kind of work I want to do when I get back.

I left NY because I was stuck at Ogilvy where I did email marketing and basically hated it. It just wasn't for me. I really admired people at my company who cold be intrinsically motivated by advertising (and free tickets to Jay-z concerts) and worked hard at it. I could not.

I just didn't see the point. I wasn't excited by it. It was a miserable existence for me. And it showed at my job. I didn't care, I didn't work at it. I didn't show up on time. I am not a lazy person by any means and my lack of effort depressed me. It wore me down to the point that I had to leave NY to figure it out.

I majored in marketing thinking my love for TV commercials would translate to working full time in advertising. Suplise!!! It didn't.

So now I am in this directionless rut where I am dumbfounded by what to do when I get back.

I love teaching but would never take it on full time in the states because you make no money. I like fashion but not to the extent of women in the business love fashion. Advertising is totally out for me. I thought maybe working on the client side would be better but I am weary of this also. I can't do anything with numbers because I am def more of a left brain person.

I am having an existential crisis where I often wonder maybe one doesn't have to love their job. It is a means to an end, a way to fund the real fun in one's life. I try to buy into this but I ultimately can't live this way. How depressing is it to think you have to show up and do something without any sort of passion for 40 hours out of the week?

Maybe I am idealistic in this way. Call me crazy but I think a real sense of happiness in life comes from doing something that you love. Obviously good relations with family and friends is 90% of one's happiness but work takes up 80% of one's actual time. You do the math.

Now, I'm not idealistic enough to think everyone has the opportunity to do what they love. Obviously some people need to work in less than ideal jobs to support themselves.

When I talk about this with my father I am touched by his response. Growing up, I assumed he wanted me to be a doctor, lawyer, or businesswoman being that he is, after all, Korean. I never discussed his expectations of me but since he always expected nothing less than A's in school, I always thought this assumption was reasonable.

I tell him I could just go back to NY and make 70K doing advertising but hate it or go into something totally new and into a field where I can potentially start off making $30K (which to be honest with you, I've never made as low as $30K even after graduating, I guess the one perk of going to business school).

He says to me, 'Lia you have to find something you like. Money isn't everything."

My father graduated with honors from Rutgers with a degree in chemical engineering and minimal knowledge of English. He started his own business because he realized a new career in chemical engineering wasn't enough to support his wife and child. His dream was to make it in an American workforce, with benefits, and he gave it up to be a small business owner. I know his story isn't unique amongst our immigrant parents but it's still worth noting. For them, they didn't have an option. They had to feed us.

I grew up thinking he dry cleaned people's clothing for 10 hours a day, 6 days a week, with no holidays so that he could send his only child to a big name school and brag about it to his friends. I would graduate and become CEO of idk Kraft or something. He is, after all, Korean.

As I get older, I realize it's more than that. In the end, my father wanted to give me the chance to spend my time doing something I enjoy. To not have his life. He didn't send me to a pretty pricey school so that I could graduate and be stuck in some job. I guess the greatest gift you can give your child is the option to choose. To choose what happiness is and to go after it.

I can do whatever I want to do. To do just anything and settle would be a bigger disappointment to my father than being unsuccessful. He came to the states for us to live the American Dream and live the American Dream I shall. No one said it would be easy.